The Secret of Marriage

Last week Matt and I had the opportunity to attend our first Cameroonian wedding. The plus side to having gained proficiency in French is that we were actually able to understand what was being said during the ceremony, which was priceless. There are three types of marriages in Cameroon: 1) traditional; 2) official; and 3) religious. The wedding Matt and I attended was an official marriage, presided over by the mayor of our district, and for a couple who have been traditionally married for over a year.

The mayor began the ceremony without the bride and groom, and it was only after great protest from family and friends that they decided to wait for the couple to arrive before proceeding again. As it turned out, the mayor was very long winded and after each little speech the wedding guests (some invited, some not) went wild cheering. There were ladies standing by to throw confetti on the couple after each announcement, but ninety percent of the confetti landed on the head of an ancient old man sitting next to Matt. The air was thick with the sweet smell of cheap alcohol and gave numerous attendees courage to ask questions and give comments during the ceremony in a sort of open mic format. At one point, the self proclaimed Baka chief, ran up to the front table where the bride, groom, and mayor sat, and threw down three 100cfa coins (about 75 cents), needless to say the audience went nuts. The same man had to be escorted off the premises three separate times.

Towards the end of the ceremony, the mayor raised his hands into the air with emphasis and demanded of the attendees "Do you want to know the secret of a good marriage?" I leaned forward with interest waiting to hear something sentimental or familiar like "love" or "respect", but no; the mayor continued with "Sometimes men go out drinking with their friends. When they come home and fall into bed, when they wake up they realize that they have pissed the bed." Then he practically yelled the next bit, "WOMEN, DO NOT TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOUR HUSBAND WET THE BED, DO NOT TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT HE WAS SO DRUNK HE DID NOT KNOW THE FISH HAD ALREADY GONE BAD. THIS IS THE SECRET OF MARRIAGE." Matt and I barely held it together and only did so by biting our lips and avoiding eye contact. The speech later ended with the mayor telling the couple "to never overseason the sauce", we are pretty sure that it was a metaphor, but we are still not sure for what.

All great parties in Cameroon have dancing and the wedding was no exception. Here everyone dances and dances well, from the smallest children who can barely walk to the village elders. The best part about the dance is that it starts with the DJ announcing partners, none of whom are actually couples. This is always slightly embarrassing for Matt and me, as we are picked for the first round and have to dance in front of everyone with enthusiastic local partners.

Finally, to end the evening there was a wedding cake auction. I baked the cake as a gift to the newly weds and to my surprise the dj announced that anyone who wanted a slice had to buy one. Since no one had money and it was getting awkward, Matt and I ended up buying the entire cake and then giving a little bit to everyone.